Unrequited

Did you know that unrequited is not limited to love? According to the dictionary I have in my lap, unrequited isn't even a word worthy of making its way into the modern language. (I got this dictionary when I graduated from high school, so it can't be old enough to have retired the word unrequited, can it?) I had to cave in and look it up online and unrequited just means that something is not returned or reciprocated, not avenged or retaliated, not repaid or satisfied. This is just the perfect word to describe how I've been feeling. But I'm not in love with anyone who is spurning my affections. (I'm not in love with anyone for that matter.) I just feel like something in my life is not being returned. Maybe I'm not sending out the great vibes to the universe that I feel I am, but I just feel like I'm longing for something. Maybe I actually have sehnsucht, which is a German word describing the concept of longing or yearning, an aspiration or craving. Actually the English "equivalents" seem a little shallow. I feel like sehnsucht goes way beyond an aspiration. Oh well. You've probably experienced what I'm talking about and can appreciate my sentiment.

I am grateful for lots of things in my life--I'm employed and liked by my coworkers, my car doesn't break down, my ward is lots of fun, I can run 2 miles and live to tell about it, I have spare time to read books and clean my room and such, and the list goes on. But still, occasionally, my search for meaning ends in frustration when I feel like I am not living up to my potential somehow and wondering how much longer I have to wait before my life aligns itself with my hopes and dreams.

It rained today and I thought that would mean that I would get out of jogging. However, since the rain has stopped and it is now cool and lovely outside, I believe I will just go run. Endorphins are just what the doctor ordered.