To quote a very inspired and well-needed text message: there is one amazing one (man) that you truly deserve.
Don't get me wrong, I am incredibly grateful for that text message and for the friend behind the text who is capable of seeing so much of the good in me that I often cannot see in myself.
Unfortunately, I don't really think that one can "be worthy" of a healthy and fulfilling relationship. I know plenty of people who are selfish, shallow, proud, and honestly, kind of mean, who have managed to find people to love who also love them back. I also know plenty of wonderfully kind, devoted, loving and caring individuals who have been divorced or who are still single. What does that say about "deserving" things?
Is there still some magical "flaw" that has to be overcome before Prince Charming rides up on his white horse and rescues me from a life of disappointed hopes? Obviously I must not be quite "deserving" enough.
Deserve has to go both ways, so when bad things happen, didn't I do something bad to "deserve" that too? It's only logical, don't you think? That's why I don't like it. Even when I'm doing all of the right things, disappointment, illness, whatever trial you can think of can still come and bug me. What does that say about "deserving"?
Hiding behind the definition was the etymology of the word deserve. Apparently it comes from the Latin word deservire, which means "to serve zealously".
I understand this. I understand serving something. If I want to be happy, I choose things in my life that make me happy and I do those things. If I want to be miserable, I eat cookie dough for breakfast (does that really happen???) and stay inside all day writing blog posts that never get published. But I don't think that this really means that we deserve to be or have anything.
I know what you're thinking...it's all in God's timing...sometimes we don't understand the plan...everything will work out in the end, so if it's not working out, it's not the end...we reap what we sow...
I'm talking about straight deserving. In 10 years from now, if I am (we can only pray) in a stable family situation, did I do anything to deserve that? If I'm not, did I somehow deserve that also?
Honestly, I don't think so. I believe that that miracle will come because of the Lord's mercy, "after all I can do". After I serve zealously, maybe God will see fit to bless me with what I want.
(Too long? Too repetitive? Sorry. Come back to book club cause this is a thoughtful discussion topic. Then it wouldn't sound like I am preaching to you, which I'm not, I swear. There are a lot of examples I can think of that would go good with this discussion.)
ReplyDeleteYou are thinking of this too simply. God doesn’t work in “you deserve good” or “you deserve bad.” He loves you and sees the great worth that you really have. You have an inherent worth that is independent of any weakness you may have or any mistake you may make. You “deserve” to be happy because you are a child of God. You have to work for certain blessings but there is no promise when those blessing will come. That is where your faith comes in.
I think as mortals we think in terms of good things happening to those who deserve them and bad things happening to those who deserve them. But God is much more complicated than that. You work hard to be worthy of the blessing that Heavenly Father already wants to give you. When we make bad decisions, it is required that consequences be met. It is not that you deserve them, but they are the natural course of existence. And even when you are doing everything in your power to do right, bad things can still happen, not because of “deserve” but once again, because of the natural course of existence.
About a month again, my sisters baby was stillborn, when she was only a few weeks away from delivering. One man wrote them a letter and said that he hopes they can find the joy in this blessing and referred to this as a “postponement of joy.” It seems so strange to refer to such a terrible experience as a blessing. But really, isn’t it? Billy and I realized that in the long run, they have all benefited from this experience. Calvin got the body that he needed to progress, and an eternal family, my sister and her husband got a child who is theirs forever, and they have grown closer to one another, all of our testimonies have been strengthened. I absolutely hate that my sister has to go through this. I want nothing more than for her to have her baby. And while they have to have a postponement of their joy, they have been given so much more by a Heavenly Father who loves them.
So couldn’t you say that they deserve this trial? Not because they did anything wrong but because they have inherent worth and have strengthened their testimonies to deserve all the blessings that have come with it.
You deserve to have a nice, thoughtful, spiritually strong husband who loves you, not because you have done anything to merit that. But because you have divine worth that you have had long before you were born. You continue to better yourself so that when that young man comes along, you will be a nice, thoughtful, spiritually strong wife for him.
I like this quote too:
http://wearewomenproject.blogspot.com/2012/05/essence-of-love.html
Thank you. I was worried that I wouldn't be able to express how I felt about this, and I think you did it better than I ever could. :)
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